The Avengers! Such an epic movie. Yesterday, my mates and I went to the cinema to watch this epic movie. Was kinda reluctant to go watch in the beginning, but I went anyway in the end (after endless pestering by many people). Didn’t regret it. Thank God. Makes me wanna be a superhero now =D Of course, that is impossible. I think. But people can dream, no?

I’m closer and closer to ending my 2nd final sem in uni soon! The exam timetable was released today. It doesn’t look that bad. I need to catch up on a lot of stuff though. Been falling a little behind. Not sure why though. Sigh.

I guess it’s back to studies for me now.

Just the other day, my friends and I were talking how ‘How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM)’ is becoming so real life. Watching HIMYM now makes me think a lot about my current life. And one thing leads to another.

After the end of this year, I would be graduating. 19 years of studies. Finished. Just the thought of it makes me cringe. Soon, it would be time for me to leave my comfort zone. I don’t want to do it yet. I am not ready to face the world. I still want to party and not have a massive worry about the world. I don’t want to face the cruel world of rejections.

It’s times like this where I want to transport myself back to when I was way much more younger to enjoy those time. It’s ironic how when I was younger, I wanted to grow up as soon as possible. And as I grow up, I just want to stop growing. Parents keep putting massive hopes on you and wants you to be responsible. The thing is, they want to mould you into the person they didn’t have the chance to be last time. The problem here is that I don’t want to that person. I want to live my life the way I want, blemishes and all. I do understand that they don’t want us to make the same mistakes they did or even new mistakes. But we need to learn from our mistakes. It’s in human nature to want to make mistakes and hopefully learn from it. I want to be me. Not anyone, but me.

1 year from now, I would be looking back with a sigh. Two roads diverged. I can only take one. I can only choose one and brave forward. No turning back. Just like Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken. I would definitely be sorry that I won’t be able to travel on both. But I guess that is life for you. Opportunity costs. Trade offs.

2 choices. To stay or to leave. After being overseas for the past few years, it seems that I have gotten used to it. Staying alone has its massive perks. It seems like I have been here for my whole entire life. Everything seems so familiar. It would pain me to leave such a beautiful land.

I don’t want to go back to a corrupted country. A country where my freedom is suppressed. A place where you are not allowed to voice your opinions. A place where its citizens are second class. A country that doesn’t want you. A country that can’t change. Yes. I am talking about Malaysia. The country is in the dumps right now. Malaysia needs to change.

Now, back to doing what I was doing before. Nothing.

I went for the Engineering Ball on Friday. It was epic. It was awesome. It was the epitome of all balls. And yes, I don’t remember a thing. I drank too much sparkling wine.

Upon reaching the ball, I started to drink wine on an empty stomach. And I was gone in the early stages of the ball. My friends keep reminding me of what I did. The sad part, I remember all of that when I am being reminded. But if you ask me to mention everything, I can’t.

We danced, we dined and we drank. It really was a night to be remembered. It’s also the first time I was drunk in Australia. And I said quite a lot of stuff that were kinda inappropriate I guess. LOL. But all in the name of fun!

I managed to experience the ‘Australian Ball Experience’ in this ball. At the very end of the ball, the live band played the song ‘Eagle Rock’ by Daddy Cool. Little did I know there is a tradition in Australia whereby the guys pull down their pants to the ankle while this song was playing. I was drunk, hence I followed as well. It was epic. Luckily I didn’t moon someone or showed someone my dick.

Looking back at all of the ball pictures, I don’t remember any of them. At all. Just the ones I took before drinking. After that, I don’t recall any photos being taken. Which is kinda sad.

After this ball, I am so looking forward to the next ball in the 2nd semester. Toast to greater times ahead!

Just about an hour ago…

Kimberly Chieng: Hey Ray! You can have my babies “hands me Starburst’s Babies lollies”

Me & The Rest: LOLOLOLOLOL!

Epic LOL-fest!

Thursday: Mid Sem
Friday: ENGINEERING BALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! SO STOKED!
Saturday: Mid sem =(
Sunday: Work

Mannnn. So many things to do lately. But so stoked for Friday’s engineering ball! I got this grey suit from Man To Man and got it altered to suit my fat bod. It looks kinda awesome (the suit, not my fat bod). I need to lose weight mannn. Everyone would be all dressed up in a suit and we are gonna look so smart! Can’t wait for it! HOOOO BOY!

And in May, my 2 close friends from Malaysia are coming! W00t W00t! Can’t wait as well. I feel bad though cause I don’t think I can bring them around much. But I guess I would have to try my best!

Anyway, gotta go sleep. Waking up early tomorrow to CRAMMMMMM!

I’m so lazy to do work. But yet, I have to do a lot of university stuff. Sigh. I feel like just going home and sleep and not have a care in the world. BUT SIGHHHH.

Tomorrow, I’m going for the RGIS work induction. I’M GOING BACK INTO THE WORKFORCE IN AUSTRALIA BAYBEE! However, this time I would be taxed. LOL. Gotta remember to file my tax return this year. Money money money baby!

Speaking of money, it’s so shit in MCW this year. So many problems. All due to funding. FML. I need to find ways to fund MCW this year. I don’t understand why is everything bad falling on MCW this year. So screwed. But I have a good team. We shall PREVAIL!

I just finished my swot vac. And I’m looking forward to the next swot vac. Need more rest. Shit loads of rest.

However, I feel like clubbing. GG

… how much you’ll miss a place till you’re either close to leaving it or left it already. I’m now in my final year and it’s time for me to start to think about my future. I’ve always been looking forward to working here in Australia. But the outlook ain’t looking that great as I’m not PR nor am I a citizen.

It’s easy for people to tell me to go back to Malaysia to work. But do I really want that? No. I do not. I don’t wanna go back to a country that belittles me. I don’t want to go back to a country that doesn’t recognize me as it’s own citizen. I don’t want to go back to a country that puts me below the foreigners in the country.

But do I have a choice?

If only my parents were being more pragmatic last time and gotten themselves a PR in other countries. Sigh. I guess it’s now up to me to secure myself a good future for myself and my future offspring. I don’t want them to suffer what I am sufferring now.

On a lighter note, it’s the study break. It’s time for me to rest. Or study. Or do both. Or do none. I don’t know! I’m just procrastinating now. I’m so dead. Literally.

When life gives you shit, it just piles on and on with no pause button in sight. Although most of it seems like it’s out of my power to change it, I know deep in me that if I have the willpower, I would be able to overcome these obstacles.

However, I love to wallow myself in self-pity. One of my outlet is writing. The other is music. So now, I’d like to rant on my stresses that I have.

1. ESSAY. I have a microeconomics essay due on 5th of April. I have a few social obligations to attend to prior to this and as of now, I only have about 150 words out of 1500. Hence, I am only 10% done and 100000% more panicky. I know I can solve this easily. But I am just lazy.

2. MCW. Funding is going to get cut short. I’m going to be short of 15k. That is in AUD. That equates the demise of MCW. If you don’t know, MCW is multicultural week. If we don’t get the money, I can kiss my event goodbye. After like 13 years of it being run, it is going to end in my hands. Well done Raymond.

3. Graduate work. One thing I hate about life now is getting graduate work. I really don’t want to go back to Malaysia to work. I want to be overseas where I have more freedom and less politics to worry about. I don’t want to go back to Malaysia at all. None at all. If I were to stay here in Australia, I need a PR to get a job. And to get PR, I need a job. What is wrong with the world. This is making me really angry. Companies don’t see the potential in international students. They only look at citizens and PRs. That is so unfair. It seems to me that Australia just wants money from the international students. Then after they graduate, Australia just wants to kick them out. Me. Kick me out. Leave me out in the cold. After paying them so much. Contributing so much to their economy. Suffering so much in uni and in Australia in general. A swift kick to the butt.

These are the major issues I am currently facing at the moment. It is not easy for me. I am very close to shutting down myself and lock myself in for the rest of my life. So close… so close….

But then again, the chocolate chip cookies in my drawer beckons me to wake up everyday. Kidding. I guess there is still a lot to live for. I just need to find my dream and chase it. No matter how unrealistic it is.

Wow. I can’t believe it’s already the 5th week of uni. I’ve been back in Perth for 6 weeks now. Seems like ages that I have been here though. But seriously. Wow. 4 weeks of uni has already passed. Just like that. Snap!

Uni has been quite hectic with assignments piling. Thesis reading are piling up and I can’t be bothered doing it yet. MCW work has been so far sorta easy. I just gotta start planning the ‘bonding’ event this for this Saturday and Prosh for next week. Speaking of Prosh, I can’t wait for it! I still have no idea on what am I going to dress up as. Maybe I’ll be a mundane thing and dress up as a musician. Easy. I’ll just bring my guitar along as a prop.

I’ve been let down by a certain group of people lately. I’m actually used to getting let down by them. But then again, it’s quite sad that we are in our 4th year and their attitude still hasn’t changed. Is it due to cultural change in them? I shall never know. But alas, this didn’t affect me as much as it did during the first year. I guess I can safely say I grew up, albeit just a little.

Man. Joseph got a PS Vita yesterday. I’m so tempted to get one. But I won’t have much time to play it. But it’s so tempting to get it. Sigh. I need more time in my life. There are so many trade-offs (thank you microeconomics) in my life at the moment. I want to do my reading, but I have to do assignments. I want to play games, but I have to attend meetings. Such is the story of my life.

Oh well. It’s now time for me to face the world. Wish me luck.

3rd week of uni is starting. And a lot of things have already happened. The things that happen around me is seriously like a real life drama show. Never in my life I would have thought that these things happen to real life people. But shit happens. And it’s not funny anymore. Shit just got real.

DAMN IT! Sideline here. I nearly burnt down the house! FAROUT! I left the egg boiling on the stove and totally forgot about it! WTH IS WRONG WITH ME! But luckily, CRISIS AVERTED!

Back to uni stuff…

Tomorrow I would be having my first meeting with my thesis supervisor. It just hit me. I’m a final year student now. No more the little freshman I am. I am now a university senior. I was so naive when I first entered university. I thought everyone would think like me, like how high school was. Little did I know I would be bumping into people from diverse background and different attitudes.

When I first entered UWA, I knew the best group ever – ECM 5. There were Han Sen, Jacky, Prita, Sin Yee, Kishan etc etc. Just like the first day of INTI college, I thought we would all stay firm as good/great/wonderful friends. I guess I didn’t learn from mistakes (read Nick, May Chong, Sherlyn and me).

3 years later, we all have our own group of friends. We are distant, similar to strangers again. It kind of saddens me how things turned out to be. I would always ponder. If only I put a little bit more effort into strengthening our bonds, would we turn out closer now?

I look back at my friendships that last, and seriously can’t think of many.

1. Soon Khai, Tzi Jia, Sotong, Wen Yi etc etc…
2. Jessica Ng
3. KKY
4. ???

That is just sad that I can’t think of more. LOL. But I’m sure there are more, I’m just too lazy to list everyone out (DUDE. It’s freaking 41 degrees today and it is still so warm now!)

But yeah. Things have changed so much since first year. Adrian Liew and I used to be close as I lived down south. We used to take the train home or the train to the city and bus to uni during first year. I still remember Prita, Lee Mun and I going to Woolworths on Mondays to do groceries. I still remember TAKA with Prita and CBC. I still remember taking the train and bus as well with Eddie. I still remember jogging with Prita, Adrian, Lee Mun and Jacky. I still remember the incident where I was being stupid and I fell and hurt myself. I still remember the photos we used to take. I still remember the videos that we used to shoot. I still remember the times where we sat under the sun resting. I still remember those small jokes we used to crack (and dirty, of course). I still remember our outings. I still remember the birthdays we celebrated. I still remember the fights that I had. I still remember the late night studies I had. I still remember the sleepovers. I still remember the movie marathons.

Man. First year was just so full of fun. Then it was downhill all the way from there.

Where have we gone wrong?